Golf is F$%king Awesome!

• 2010-11-10

  

  Course I’m bleary eyed bitch

  i’ve been hittin the MOET bottle

  just like i tossed around yankees

  my foot on the throttle

  Spent 3 days straight MAC’in

  at Celtic Manor Resort

  everything I threw at Pavin and Co

  No fuckin retort

  Turned the golf world on to cardys

  when I won it at the Beach

  Callaway painter cap on tilt

  Stuburt kicks outta reach

  I’m the affable lad from Portrush,

  drink you under the bar

  leave the club with 2 bimbos

  i’m a fuckin rock star

  Between the Open and the Ry Cup

  Americans, they should hate me

  but the dudes wanna high five

  and the chicks wanna date me

  Guest spot on Entourage, 

  Leno? Not a bad gig

  European Team cheerleader

  in my McIlroy wig

  Between Westwood and Paddy and all of my bubs

  We ran ‘em straight outta Guinness 

  in Monterey’s pubs

  So I got a mansion in Isleworth

  a card on the PGA Tour

  and went to school in Alabama

  remind me who I’m playing for?

  2010 was my year man,

  i’m the hottest thing on bent grass,

  I just can’t seem to pull that four leaf clover

  out of my ass

• →

  

  I’m a quiet lad from the midwest

  with a killer instinct baby

  these Oakley Flak Jackets

  drive the groupies crazy

  But i keep it on the straight

  Bible verses are rawww

  Love tech fabrics and football

  and a low little draw

  Yeh I won the fuckin Masters

  Won’t apologize for my behavior

  I put on that green jacket

  and thanked my lord and savior

  there must be something in the water

  on st simons for real though

  cuz jesus is our homeboy

  and style is our steelo

  we got j byrd and stewie and davis and kooch

  Lil J juice on Sundays - only time i sip hooch

  from Drake to Buy.com, i kept improvin’, naw mean?

  and i played on the Hooters, but kept my nose clean

  top 20 in the world

  and 7 wins of that pga steeze

  i’m on my way to st. aug, bitch

  this shit is a breeze

  thats the world golf hall of fame

  i’m just comin’ correct for the layman

  ZJ rollin’ in dough

  i make Green like Damon

• →

  

  i’m the f$%king king of putters

  scotty the kid

  see that block of milled steel?

  BAM!

  look at what I just did

  Newports and Sonomas

  Circle T’s and Red X’s

  i whisper “terillium” in bitches ears

  then we be havin’ the sexxxes

  i’m the Armani of bent grass

  The Versace of the moss 

  check out that WORKS headcover

  b&%ch you know what it costs

  I run the eBay scene,

  Studio Series, brother

  your son would walk into traffic 

  for a Hula girl headcover

  But I’m a cali dude at heart

  tasty waves, always sunny

  Wally called me in ‘94

  and said let’s get this damn money

  since then i haven’t slept, 

  it’s been a flat stick barrage

  every pro in the world 

  got one of mine in their garage

  People call me a guru

  golf’s sensai in overalls,

  i’ll just keep makin badass clubs

  remember to bring your balls…

• 2010-11-09

  

  I’m a fashion model

  no a golfer

  with a fantastic chin

  my name is el hombre arana

  i have more abs than wins

  from the world’s capital of cartels and blow

  i’m a walking, talking, swinging runway show

  tiger wants my muscles

  women want my bod

  i attack my Titleist

  then a wave and a nod

  I won the Honda this year

  Acushnet tried to nix me

  but its me that’ll be laughing

  at my dope new 360’s

  Cuz I’m rollin with with the fellas at TM/Adidas

  My boy Sergio begged me, like “homie, we need this!”

  Used to wear Lindeberg’s wildest

  dudded out in pink slacks

  now i rock black and white only

  and my socks always match

  Back in Gainesville

  i was a shy little dude

  I had mild OCD

  and never was rude.

  Now I’m a bad boy, 

  more fuel than a jeep

  Between Cafe and Red Bull

  No wonder I can’t ever sleep

  People say i’m too cocky

  the anna kournikova of golf

  but i’ll be fucking smiling

  when my movie career takes off

• →

  

  What’s that on the green?

  Is it a bird or Ian P?

  Oh that’s just young Mr. Fowler,

  he’s color blind, he can’t see

  How else could one explain his many shades of melon?

  Seemingly endless and endlessly selling. 

  JD in the ‘Mouth

  Doug Sanders’ canary

  Rickies outshined them all and it’s only Friday, that’s scary… 

  But the kid is long on game

  like he’s long on sex appeal,

  Made clutch putts at the Manor,

  gave the Euros blue steel.

  Top 30 in the world,

  with the best head of lettuce,

  your daughter’s got his poster and he only just met us

  Within a sniff of the Kodak,

  the medias ready to pounce

  He’s headed to Disney,

  Hoping to knock boots with the Mouse

  The only question remaining

  and i guess it’s one for his mother

  Mrs fowler does rickie

  have underwear in THAT color??

• →

  

  I’m the first hipster golfer

  bitches call me ry moore

  only dude you know

  wearing gingham on tour

  got tight pants and tight game

  no sponsor cuttin me checks

  That’s right I got Scratch on the lid

  21st in the FedEx

  When I’m not hangin in Vegas

  I’m trimming my beard

  Don’t forget I rocked headbands

  That was a bit weird

  I’m the anti-Tim Finchem

  The logoless man

  I’m a bit like Bob Jones

  Sans shower, plus Vans

  When I rolled into Augusta

  in a bdown and ties

  every golf fan wanted to blow me

  even the guys

  But i’m a mild mannered fella

  livin my dream, gettin better

  wish I could’ve gone to Wales

  I look great in purple sweaters…